The script’s done after four months of work trying to string conversations and scenes together. This and the attempts to create a story that fits at least two themes and slot in places where songs – written before the script – fit.
Sadly, many things had to be sacrificed just to get it out.
Something died yesterday. This was something I held close to my heart for the greater part of three long years. It was hope for me. With it, I had the opportunity to tell myself there’s something to look forward to, even during those darkest days of my life.
I don’t know if you think the conversations we had were intellectually stimulating. For all I know, you might have faked it. I’m not even sure if you enjoyed my company, our time together, whenever we met. If you didn’t, then you could have been a sucker for punishment for those lunches, teas and dinners we had when we met. Either that, or you were just being nice.
Maybe you were so nice and obliging that something was created in my heart. It stayed there for three years. I nursed it only because it is one of those rare things in my life that has the ability to make me happy.
When I saw you – a fleeting three-second glance – the other day, I was happy. But that sense of “life’s all good” dissipated the moment I noticed how you had someone else with you. This was the first time I’ve seen you with … another person. And you’re not the sort, I believe, who would ask any Tom, Dick or Harry, to be your companion for such a routine activity.
Throughout the two hours, I was invariably distracted. At first, I tried to pick out the two of you from the sea of faces. Then, I had to cast a glance every few minutes – first, at you and then, at him. Every glance raised questions — same and new ones; and conjured thoughts that constantly hound me.
Yet, there was an answer – to one particular question – that I knew but couldn’t come to terms with. And on seeing that one simple but intimate gesture both of you made, I knew everything had come to an end. I don’t think you’ll allow any ordinary bloke to do that. Something was razed in my heart and I have all the time now to scatter its ashes.
I’m now broken, again. A dream died. A hope lost. The inquest begins. I’ve to find a fix.
But I wish you well and I’m glad it’ll be a special Christmas for you this year (and maybe many more in future).
God bless and love,