The Cross – Kay Tse

Music video / song — http://tinyurl.com/9w8ukl

Lyrics / translation:

很久的當年 – A long time ago

媽媽天天囑告 – mother used to say

好心交給人 總可得到好報 – you’ll get good returns if you do good to others

過去按這教導埋頭做 – I followed her advice

可惜隨年長一步 傷口隨年多一道 – However, for every passing year, the wound becomes deeper

伸出手攙扶 – Stretching out my hand of help

遭鬆開手警告 – Yet my grip loosens at every warning

交出心戀愛 – Giving my heart out to love

反得傷心的控訴 – I received a hurting accusation

嫌棄我過份熱情流露 – that I have expressed my feelings too openly

或是仁慈得恐怖 – or was being excessively kind

燙手愛意怕碰到 – My hands of love were burnt. I’m now scared to touch

彷彿背上十字架 – It’s like carrying a cross on my back

捨我救贖未算好 – And yet, it’s like I’ve not done enough to save myself

越奉獻得到結局越殘酷 – The more I tried , the worse it became

教我為免傷勢再會變更糟 – So I was taught that to make the wounds “less worse”

圍牆變更高 – The walls around me have to be higher

圍住了自己的去路 – (Although) The walls block my way

防護罩終變成墳墓 – And this protection finally becomes my grave

將根本的我葬下去獨自老 – Burying the real me, alone till I grow old

多想光陰退後到舊時 童年重渡 – How I hope I could relive my childhood days

多斬釘截鐵共處態度 – (I don’t know how to translate this)

我對你好所以你會對我好 – You’ll treat me well if I treat you well

心裡沒旁騖 – There’s no other side agenda in our hearts

無奈這幸福的國度 – However, this happy scenario

已飽經災劫無寸草 – Has been destroyed until nothing is left

今天只得我野地裡在獨舞 – Today, it’s only me dancing alone in the wild

要怎麼的上路 期望一天我能知道 – How should I carry on living? Hopefully one day, I will know.

Incoherence

Alone in the office now.
Haven’t been out with friends
Or seen anyone other than my family
And Coworkers
Since last Saturday

I saw her a few Sundays ago
Or rather saw only
The top and the back of her head
She was wearing
A top with psychedelic colours

I haven’t messaged her
Since last week
She isn’t free to meet
Until after the Chinese New Year
Can I say I don’t miss her (company)?

I think about the Christmas Eve
Dinner with an old friend
A repeat of the dinner
On the same day
Years ago, so long
That we no longer know
When that happened.

‘Twas a pleasant night
(Relatively) good food
Reminiscing about the good bits
People we met and
People we may never meet again

Max Brenner
Haven’t been there for ages
Never fancied the sochao thingy
Always fondue
Always only milk chocolate (cos it’s white!)

Only a loser
Will admit once again
That he’s never been in love
And being loved
But I did

At 33 (some say 34)
I’m too old
And can’t be bothered
To say it just to
Solicit sympathy (or a few gasps)

She may be someone
Whom it may never happen
Although I think
Psychedelic colours are cool
And so is visiting art galleries

Relationships carried over
From my youth
Are now fractured
Fragmented
And will probably become dissipated

Gee, I’m trying to make
Everything rhyme
But I don’t think I’ll bother
Never was a poet
And probably never will be

Book project: Day of reckoning (Part 1)

The day of reckoning will be tomorrow when I will be meeting the editor.

For the greater part of the past one month (roughly the time the editor had requested to work on the manuscript), I was busy celebrating Christmas and New Year quietly by myself (in actual fact, I was busy trying to feed my addiction of a particular football management game – which led to dark-eye rings the size of Antarctica ).

However, as the date (or rather my date) with the editor drew nearer, butterflies flew in my stomach and numerous scenarios (mostly negative) played in my head. One oft-repeated scene was being thrown the manuscript (all 100 pages of them) in my face together with the smart, smirk and sneer from her face before the death knell of “you’re a clown if you think you want to print this shit” sounded.

Now, the conversation I had with her over the phone an hour ago (when we agreed on a time and place to meet) could have assured me that it’s not likely that the abovementioned scenario would be played out for real.

Editor: … which shouldn’t take a long time.

Me: Oh. So I’d imagine there’s nothing really substantial for us to plough through.

Editor: Like I said, as long as you take my word for it – in terms of the grammar, it shouldn’t take a long time.

Taking it at face value, it would sound like I was being dramatic with my scenarios.

However, as I don’t take things at face value, I started to wonder how long could that abovementioned, oft-repeated scenario (I mean how long does one take to sneer anyway?) take? Or she could be pulling the wool over my eyes since I’m her client and at the end of the day, I’ll be the one throwing money into this loss-making investment (monetary wise).

Editor: Ahh… your stories hor… all very good lah (you’re an idiot)

Me: Oh really?

Editor: Yes. It’s the best short stories I’ve read since [insert name of famous, cheongsam-clad local writer who has “Lim” as her surname]. (Really. You’re an idiot.)

Me: Wah.

Editor: (flutters eyebrows) Excuse me, but can I have your autograph please? (Idiot, please sign on this document to absolve me from an indemnity as a result of your stupid decision to publish this piece of crap.)

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I’m meeting the editor tomorrow.